Sorry for the short post earlier, Chris came home so I stopped. I know I don't need to stop doing things when he comes home, I know he wouldn't have cared if I stayed on longer. I know this is all in my head and I shouldn't do this to myself, I just don't know how to stop. I guess in a way I'm controling what I do, which isn't good because that is an eating disorder behavior.


Speaking of eating disorders, I've been feeling rather self concious about my weight lately. I was contemplating going back to my eating disordered ways. I know that's no good. I gave myself excuses not too, it's probibly the only good time for my excuses. I want to get better and to not worry about these thoughts, and I know it's a process, a long process. I've just always liked fast results, which is part of the attraction to eadting disorders. I hate that bad things are easier...

I'm actually going to break out of my shell tomorrow night and play poker with Chris. Every Thursday he plays poker with friends, I usually go when I have Friday off, but I never play. Well tomorrow I'm gonna play, it'll be a step forward to letting go, a big accomplishment for me.


I'm stopping here, one of my cats is being annoying right now...

~Peaches