Sevas Tra

So today was a birthday party for my cousins. We had to work out a time when I could go and my uncle wouldn't be there. He got to go to the first half of the party and I got to go to the second half, which mostly everyone left by that point. I've been so stressed at the fact that I could possibly see him in passing. I've been smoking again as away to relieve the stress, it beats cutting which is what I'd prefer to do. I can't wait till it's all over... I hate it when he's in my head. Now I've been feeling dirty because I think of what he did but then I'll think about sex. I wish the two thoughts wouldn't come together. I wish I could compartmentalize, him in one corner and my sex life in another corner, far from eachother. It's so frustrating to have a happy thought killed by one person. I wish I could runaway from my own mind, away from my thoughts, away from myself. I just don't know what to do, how to get passed it...

The title 'Sevas Tra' is an album by Otep, spell it backwards and you have "Art Saves". There's a song on the album called 'Jonestown Tea', a girl used it as a way to tell her mother what her father was doing to her and her sister. Proving, art saves lives, sometimes the words just aren't there for you to speak, but someone else can. Just a random note...

~Peaches

The Devil's Tree

Back in March Chris, Rikki, and I were going to visit the tree. As we got closer we felt that something way really off and went home. Chris and I finally visited today, March 18, 2009. We noticed the tree has leaves again, and the land around the tree has become alive once more. We've come to the conclusion that someone has rid the tree of the darkness that once resided there and the tree is now protected. We did notice a couple branches were missing including the one known for lynchings. I researched online and found that shortly before March 28Th, 2009 the branches were cut from the tree. I also read that someone noticed that the chain link fence has been replaced with a new one. The person stated that the fence used to have padlocks on it and now it only has metal wires holding it. They also said that they noticed new burn marks and the cuts looked deeper, as if someone tried cutting the tree down, again. I hope the tree is completely safe now. Back in the 1970's The Living Wicca Society tried to cleanse the tree. It started to sprout leaves and show life, eventually the leaves fell off and the evil returned. I feel that the tree has a chance this time, it is a spiritual nexus that has been used by evil for far too long. The growth is a sign of good taking it's back it's rightful place.

If Today Was Your Last Day

So I've been intrigued by "If Today Was Your Last Day" by Nickelback (lyrics are at the end of this blog). One part in particular catches my interest:

If today was your last day

And tomorrow was too late

Could you say goodbye to yesterday?

Would you live each moment like your last?

Leave old pictures in the past

Donate every dime you have?

Would you call old friends you never see?

Reminisce old memories

Would you forgive your enemies?

Would you find that one you're dreamin' of?

Swear up and down to God above

That you finally fall in love

If today was your last day

It makes me think what I would do if I had one day left.

"Could you say goodbye to yesterday?": I'm almost always unfinished with something, I don't know if I'd be able to be okay with "saying goodbye" so to speak.

"Would you live each moment like your last?": I still haven't learned to let go so I'm not sure how...

"Leave old pictures in the past": Pictures I hold on to no matter what, with my memory sucking so much it's all I really have besides journals and blogs.

"Donate every dime you have": I would donate to everything I care about evenly, I might even just randomly throw money off a building.

"Would you call old friends you never see? Reminisce old memories": As much as I hate phones I would call them, I'd definitely be nervous though.

"Would you find the one your dreamin' of?": Well one person I dream of is Chris and if it was my last day he'd most likely be with me. The other person I dream of is Siren and I'd would so pay for her to fly up that day to spend together!

"Swear up and down to God above. That you'd finally fall in love": I have no real answer for this one currently.

This song really does make you think.

If Today Was Your Last Day by Nickelback

My best friend gave me the best advice

He said each day's a gift and not a given right

Leave no stone unturned, leave your fears behind

And try to take the path less traveled by

That first step you take is the longest stride

If today was your last day

And tomorrow was too late

Could you say goodbye to yesterday?

Would you live each moment like your last?

Leave old pictures in the past

Donate every dime you have?

If today was your last day

Against the grain should be a way of life

What's worth the prize is always worth the fight

Every second counts 'cause there's no second try

So live like you'll never live it twice

Don't take the free ride in your own life

If today was your last day

And tomorrow was too late

Could you say goodbye to yesterday?

Would you live each moment like your last?

Leave old pictures in the past

Donate every dime you have?

Would you call old friends you never see?

Reminisce old memories

Would you forgive your enemies?

Would you find that one you're dreamin' of?

Swear up and down to God above

That you finally fall in love

If today was your last day

If today was your last day

Would you make your mark by mending a broken heart?

You know it's never too late to shoot for the stars

Regardless of who you are

So do whatever it takes

'Cause you can't rewind a moment in this life

Let nothin' stand in your way

Cause the hands of time are never on your side

If today was your last day

And tomorrow was too late

Could you say goodbye to yesterday?

Would you live each moment like your last?

Leave old pictures in the past

Donate every dime you have?

Would you call old friends you never see?

Reminisce old memories

Would you forgive your enemies?

Would you find that one you're dreamin' of?

Swear up and down to God above

That you finally fall in love

If today was your last day