So today was a birthday party for my cousins. We had to work out a time when I could go and my uncle wouldn't be there. He got to go to the first half of the party and I got to go to the second half, which mostly everyone left by that point. I've been so stressed at the fact that I could possibly see him in passing. I've been smoking again as away to relieve the stress, it beats cutting which is what I'd prefer to do. I can't wait till it's all over... I hate it when he's in my head. Now I've been feeling dirty because I think of what he did but then I'll think about sex. I wish the two thoughts wouldn't come together. I wish I could compartmentalize, him in one corner and my sex life in another corner, far from eachother. It's so frustrating to have a happy thought killed by one person. I wish I could runaway from my own mind, away from my thoughts, away from myself. I just don't know what to do, how to get passed it...
The title 'Sevas Tra' is an album by Otep, spell it backwards and you have "Art Saves". There's a song on the album called 'Jonestown Tea', a girl used it as a way to tell her mother what her father was doing to her and her sister. Proving, art saves lives, sometimes the words just aren't there for you to speak, but someone else can. Just a random note...
~Peaches
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