From End to Beginning

"Everybody asks why I started at the end and worked back to the beginning, the reason is simple, I couldn't understand the beginning until I had reached the end."
~ Astrid (Alison Lohman), White Oleander


I plan on writing everything down this week, everything, and then I'm just going to shelve the book, save it for if I ever write a memoir. I want these thoughts out of my head, gone but not forgotten. I feel part of the reason I'm locked in my head is because I held things in for so long that now I can't express myself. It's probably why I haven't been doing too much artwork, holding my emotions in is stopping my artistic flow. I also feel it's preventing me from my full potential in all aspects of my life.


I wanted this blog to be better, but I'm just too tired tonight, had to be at work at 5a.m. this morning...


~Peaches

Guilty

I don't really know why it's takenme all week to write this blog. Monday my uncle pleaded guilty, to a lesser charge but still, it's over. He will be getting timed served and is never allowed to come in contact with me. The no contact is a comprimise, I wanted Megan's Law but he wouldn't agree to it. My anxiety has just disapeared since Monday. I was so anxious, not knowing if he would acctually plead, not knowing how I'd if he did. I've been going through a mass ammount of emotions lately now that I'm off all medications. I've been depressed and an emotional wreck for so long that I don't know who I am happy and free. I feel happy and blank, I don't know what to chanel my emotions into. I know ovious things would be my art, my wedding, cleaning, but I havn't really been doing anything.

Although next week will be different, Chris was laid off this week. It's acctually a good this, his job wasn't the greatest to him. While he's got nothing else to do, we're going to clean up so he can plug the desktop back in. He's planning on attending an online college, so we want him to have a nice space for it. Since they started cutting back our hours at Kohl's already, I'll have time to do things with him.

I'm sorry if this blog seems off, I'm realy tired but I wanted to post this.

Random quote from 'Mercy' that amused me: "It's healthy for you and the environment." "Yeah, this is Jersey, that ship has pretty much sailed."

~Peaches