Blah...

So I've been depressed lately, but I have started taking vitamins again, including St. John's Wort/Mood Support mix. I haven't been to my nutritionist in I don't know how long, because one I can't afford it right now, and two she wants me to go back into therapy, which I can't afford. My body has been bothering me a lot lately, partially due to an innocent comment. The comment being "You've lost a lot of weight, I mean a lot of weight" from someone who hadn't seen me in a while. This brought my mind to thinking either I used to be fatter than I thought, I actually have lost a lot of weight but my mind is making me see otherwise (including the scale numbers), or she actually remembers me as really fat...all depressing thoughts.


I've felt a bit locked in my head lately, and I have no idea why or how to get out. Everything seems take too much effort. I wish I would just get happy and stay happy, I hate being depressed, especially when I don't know why. Everything frustrates me, like learning a new knitting stitch, or even drawing... I barely go online because it just seems so...I don't know, I haven't figured out why it bothers me. Even watching TV has gotten to me, so has reading, but I can't sit in silence so I leave the TV on and try to amuse myself. I need a mini vacation, but one where I'm doing things. Like Chris and I visited Rumpy in Cape May a few weeks ago and it was fun, but it was short and I still haven't learned to relax. Today I had the day off, but lack of car makes for lack of doing things which makes me depressed. Of course getting a car would require me to get a second, which I have been procrastinating. Mostly because I didn't have as much time for things when I work 2 jobs, although being able to pay my bills and still have money for other things was nice. Plus I honestly think I was happier with my days filled, and maybe even less tired... Guess I should motivate myself more and job hunt.


This past Saturday Chris and I went to the Central Jersey Pagan Pride Day. I was awesome, minus the rain >.< Cucina Aurora, she makes very tasty infused oils and yummy dip mixes! I've already been experimenting a little. We going to the New York Pagan Pride Day next month, partially because our day got rain out but also to hang out at Cucina Aurora again!


My brain is running a mile a minute but I feel like I don't have much to say. Back to feeling like I'm locked in again.


I recently learned about Deco-Den, I find it awesome and want to try it out. Just need a bunch of shiny things and fun things to glue them to ^.^


I'm thinking of a tuna fish sandwich with cucumbers for dinner... Hopefully Chris will want some too. Of course this craving is coming from the tuna fish salad and cucumber on cracked wheat bread with side salad from Rockin' Joe's. If there is a Rocking Joe's near you I suggest going there, it's a very awesome coffee house.


I want to do something that doesn't require money... Chris and I have adopted movie night, which has been Friday for the most part, because I've had the last three Saturdays off and I only asked for one of them. I do want to go hiking again, but Chris's knee has been problematic and I need him in one piece. We could always have lunch in the park, weather permitting.


I need to start my food exchange again, but I want to plan my meals when doing it, which I have always sucked at. Plus I would need to go food shopping.


Current Worries:
-The trial got pushed back to December...
-My great aunt and uncle were in a car accident this weekend, very bad accident. I've been worried but it's kinda been in the back of my head. I feel bad but I guess it's cause I don't really see them that much.
-Wedding plans have changed a lot, it doesn't necessarily bother me, just sits there in my head.
-Two of my pregnant friends have gestational diabetes, one of which already has a blood disorders, so the list of foods she can eat just got shorter. I love her and wished I lived closer to her so I could help her out.


I think I'm done for today. I hope I continue to blog more often.\
~Peaches