So I've realized a couple things recently:
1. I really need a car, I can occupy my time better when I have my own way of getting around. Chris's Dad is home and can drive me places, but I feel bad, he shouldn't have to drive me anywhere.
2. I don't allow myself to do much of anything when people are home. I started to notice this a while ago, I wont cook anything elaborate, I wont bake much. I wont paint, I wont sing, I wont dance, I rarely exorcise, and I cautious about what I watch. I don't allow myself any freedoms really, and I have no idea why. What I do know is that I've been this way since middle school. My mom had divorced her second husband and was working two jobs to keep the house, and my grandma moved in. I'd come home from school, allow myself to do anything, then my grandma would come home and I'd stop doing everything, I'd just watch T.V. Then my mom got pregnant and the father (her third husband) moved in and my grandma moved out. My mom quit her second job, and all of a sudden there was people all the time. So I'd either watch T.V. or go online. I did this all through high school, except I stopped coming home after school, but my mom always picked me up on her way home. Even around my friends I don't allow myself to relax and just be myself. Chris has never seen me let go, it's just annoying.


~Peaches