New

So I decided on having a blog, one blog separate from my myspace/facebook/deviantart/suicidegirls blogs. One blog where it wont matter what I write. So here it is, don't like it? don't read it. Anyways...

A little bit about me first:
My parents divorced when I was 4. I became bulimic when I was 9. My uncle molested me when I was 10 until I was 13. My parents both remarried, my mom when I was 10, my dad when I was 12 I think. My mom divorced when I was 12. I became a cutter when I was 13. My mom and stepmom became pregnant 5 months from each other when I was 13. My mom got remarried shorlty after my stepmom had my brother, Adam. My mom had my brother, Jason, after I turned 14. A couple months before my 15th birthday I was hospitalized for depression, self mutalation, and suicidal tendincies and thoughts. I then went into a partial program. I was out for one week, had my birthday, and went back into a hospital again. 5 months later I was hospitalized again, then a partial program again. During my time at the partial program I admitted what my uncle did to me. I talked to a detective, they arrested my uncle after Christmas. A few months later I was hospitalized again. 2 months later I was placed in a theraputic school, I was there until halfway of my senior year. My stepmom had my sister when I was 16. My mom got divorced because her husband as abusive, the abuse started towards her, then he hit my brother. Towards the end of my senior year I had to go to trial over my uncle. It was a hung jury. 4 months later was a retrial, he was found guilty. He went to jail, a year and a half later he was aquitted. We are preparing to go to trial again. In March 2009 my boyfriend of 2 years and 8 months proposed to me! We're geting married on May 1, 2010!
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So I went to the doctors today, I've been sick since the end of January. My symptoms: nausea, dizziness, light headed, headaches, tiredness. And they still don't know whats wrong. I finally told my doctor today that I'm bulimic, he's upset that I haven't been seeking treatment, so now I must and them go back to him in 6 weeks. I have high cholesterol and he wont give me a dietary recommendation until a psychologist clears me of being capable of handling a diet plan without mental repercussions. So that's that. Right now I'm nervous, I've worked so hard to get better, and kind of ignored my bulimia. I'm anxious because I feel like everything is gonna come crashing down again. I guess it's also a good thing because I've been interested in getting a nutritionist to help me have balanced meals. I just don't know how to eat right, let alone properly. I binge even when I don't purge just because I don't know how to eat normally. I managed to get purging down to a minimum, but binging is so much harder. I like food and I hate food. I wish food didn't matter.


I think I'm done for now...


~Peaches