Happy

*squeals like a little school girl* My Bestest, Christina, is coming up tomorrow!! I'm so happy!! She wasn't supposed to be up until the week of my birthday, but her fiance is going into the army and has too leave before my birthday. Since I still have the week of my birthday off I'm gonna visit her. ^.^ I love her so much and I can't wait to see her!!


Anyways.


I was thinking about how my bulimia started. When I was 9 I ate a lot of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups and felt nauseous. A friend of the family told me that "sometimes you just gotta stick your finger down your throat and get it out of your stomach." So that's what started it all. I used to be skinny, skinny until 8th grade. 8th grade I started going over 100lbs, now for my height it wasn't a bad thing, but for my mind it was scary. At the end of my freshmen year, during my second hospitalization, my roommate talked me into anorexia. At the start of my stay I was 123lbs, after a 10 day stay I was 110lbs, 2 weeks later I was 98lbs. Then summer came and Christina was visiting and we decided each other was too skinny and made each other eat. Neither would eat unless the other ate, and we didn't want the other to not eat, so we ate a lot. By the time she left i was 108lbs. I managed 115lbs for awhile and finally my meds took over my weight and I gained. It sucks. Now I need to get better and get to a healthy weight that I'm comfortable with. I read once that sexual abuse victims are more prone to bulimia than anorexia. Now my bulimia started about 1 year before the abuse, but I think the abuse makes it harder to get over my bulimia. I was I able to pin point my triggers. It seems that any extreme emotion sets me off. Whether I be sad, depressed, angry, happy, excited, tired, or bored. My brain turns emotion into hunger, I wish it didn't. I started binging on salad tonight after having dinner, all because I'm happy. I just don't get it. Of course I'm on my period so cravings are normal. I kinda want smores...


I think this is it for now.


~Peaches